Samples from a Demented Elf
All the work on this page have come from different times in my life and are of varying degrees of skill and talent. They will also be of different genres and platforms. There is no rhyme or reason to any of the pieces, just different ideas that I have had over the years.
One Dark and Stormy Night
It was dark, but then again of course it was dark. The thick, dark storm clouds of the unusual summer storm prevented whatever light the tiny pale moon emitted from shinning on the small costal town in California. As the storm unleashed its furry, the entire town reveled in the only hotel dancing to the pounding rhythm of a local rock band at the annual Summer Masquerade. The party was the pride of the town and did not even hesitate for a moment when the power went out, for as one costumed guest put it, it was better to party in the dark than to venture out into the storm. The band continued its assault on the ears with its deafening cacophony, drowning out the sounds of the outside world as if it was in competition with the rolling thunder. Inside, all that mattered was that everyone was having the time of their life.
The whole world was shrouded in darkness, only to be illuminated by brief flashes of light. From one of the upstairs rooms a curtain parted and a pair of eyes looked out into the storm. Down below the image of a man struggling with an unseen opponent was illuminated by the brilliant flashes of light. Another flash of light showed the man wildly swinging a bat hitting nothing but wind and rain as his screams were lost in the fury of the storm. It was only a few moments latter when the light revealed the man lying in the mud immobile. The curtains in the window returned to their usual position of nearly closed.
An evil chuckle broke a brief moment of silence. “The evil that men do.”
The whole world was shrouded in darkness, only to be illuminated by brief flashes of light. From one of the upstairs rooms a curtain parted and a pair of eyes looked out into the storm. Down below the image of a man struggling with an unseen opponent was illuminated by the brilliant flashes of light. Another flash of light showed the man wildly swinging a bat hitting nothing but wind and rain as his screams were lost in the fury of the storm. It was only a few moments latter when the light revealed the man lying in the mud immobile. The curtains in the window returned to their usual position of nearly closed.
An evil chuckle broke a brief moment of silence. “The evil that men do.”
I Got to Go
Hurry, wont you hurry please
I feel it running down my knees.
I've got my legs crossed up so tight,
I haven't gone since Tuesday night.
I think that something's going to burst.
My tummy has begun to hurt.
Now it's dripping way to fast,
I don't think I'm going to last.
I'd Bang the door for I can't wait
But the pain is way to great.
I know I waited way too long,
How could I know that I'd be wrong?
I thought I'd have a chance to go
But in the end it wasn't so.
Now I think I'm going to pout,
Oh well, too late it all came out.
I feel it running down my knees.
I've got my legs crossed up so tight,
I haven't gone since Tuesday night.
I think that something's going to burst.
My tummy has begun to hurt.
Now it's dripping way to fast,
I don't think I'm going to last.
I'd Bang the door for I can't wait
But the pain is way to great.
I know I waited way too long,
How could I know that I'd be wrong?
I thought I'd have a chance to go
But in the end it wasn't so.
Now I think I'm going to pout,
Oh well, too late it all came out.
Demented Elves
INT.SANTA'S WORKSHOP -DAY
The elves are busy working building toys, keeping the area clean,
and repairing machinery around the shop. BENJAMIN SAP is
pacing back and forth overseeing the busy elves. He sees
JOSEPH SAX leaning up against a machine reading a "naughty" magazine.
BEN
Hey you.
Joseph looks up and points to himself.
BEN (Continued)
Yes you. What are you doing?
Joseph goes back to reading his magazine.
JOSEPH
Reading.
Ben shakes his head. An ALARM sounds and steam spews from the machine
behind Joseph. Joseph kicks the machine and it appears to be fixed. Ben walks
through the workshop to where Joseph is standing.
BEN
We do not read while we are supposed
to be working.
Joseph continues to read. Ben snatches the magazine from Joseph.
BEN (Continued)
Rule 54865.3 states that reading shall
only be done on approved breaks.
Ben looks at the picture of a sexy elf.
BEN (Continued)
And all reading material shall be
appropriate for anyone.
The alarm sounds again, but this time Ben stops Joseph from kicking it. More
steam is released from the machine this time accompanied by a popping sound.
JOSEPH
Better let me fix that.
BEN
All repairs will be completed in
the appropriate manner.
Joseph rummages through a bag of tools at his feet. He selects a rather large hammer.
JOSEPH
All repairs will be completed in
a manner only a hard ass approves of.
BEN
What was that?
Joseph whacks the machine with his hammer. There is a whirring sound. After a
moment, it spits out a doll that hits Ben in the back of the head.
JOSEPH
Whatever you say boss.
There is the sound of snickering around the shop that stops as Ben glares at the
other workers. A GONG sounds and everyone turns their attention to the podium above the shop.
Two oak doors open outwardly and SANTA and HAROLD JAMES step onto the podium.
HAROLD
Attention. Attention everyone. Santa
has an important announcement.
The elves whisper amongst themselves, but become silent when Santa steps forward and raises
his hand.
SANTA
Good elves, you have been loyal
employees for eons.
The elves cheer loudly, and Santa raises his hand to quiet them.
SANTA
You have been faithful through all the
changes, which is why it saddens me to
have to close the shop.
The elves all gasp and whisper amongst themselves.
BEN
But why?
SANTA
Because it’s all a lie.
BEN
What's a lie.
SANTA
Children. Children are the lie. They
don't exist.
There is a loud BANG as the machine explodes and it starts raining dolls.
The elves are busy working building toys, keeping the area clean,
and repairing machinery around the shop. BENJAMIN SAP is
pacing back and forth overseeing the busy elves. He sees
JOSEPH SAX leaning up against a machine reading a "naughty" magazine.
BEN
Hey you.
Joseph looks up and points to himself.
BEN (Continued)
Yes you. What are you doing?
Joseph goes back to reading his magazine.
JOSEPH
Reading.
Ben shakes his head. An ALARM sounds and steam spews from the machine
behind Joseph. Joseph kicks the machine and it appears to be fixed. Ben walks
through the workshop to where Joseph is standing.
BEN
We do not read while we are supposed
to be working.
Joseph continues to read. Ben snatches the magazine from Joseph.
BEN (Continued)
Rule 54865.3 states that reading shall
only be done on approved breaks.
Ben looks at the picture of a sexy elf.
BEN (Continued)
And all reading material shall be
appropriate for anyone.
The alarm sounds again, but this time Ben stops Joseph from kicking it. More
steam is released from the machine this time accompanied by a popping sound.
JOSEPH
Better let me fix that.
BEN
All repairs will be completed in
the appropriate manner.
Joseph rummages through a bag of tools at his feet. He selects a rather large hammer.
JOSEPH
All repairs will be completed in
a manner only a hard ass approves of.
BEN
What was that?
Joseph whacks the machine with his hammer. There is a whirring sound. After a
moment, it spits out a doll that hits Ben in the back of the head.
JOSEPH
Whatever you say boss.
There is the sound of snickering around the shop that stops as Ben glares at the
other workers. A GONG sounds and everyone turns their attention to the podium above the shop.
Two oak doors open outwardly and SANTA and HAROLD JAMES step onto the podium.
HAROLD
Attention. Attention everyone. Santa
has an important announcement.
The elves whisper amongst themselves, but become silent when Santa steps forward and raises
his hand.
SANTA
Good elves, you have been loyal
employees for eons.
The elves cheer loudly, and Santa raises his hand to quiet them.
SANTA
You have been faithful through all the
changes, which is why it saddens me to
have to close the shop.
The elves all gasp and whisper amongst themselves.
BEN
But why?
SANTA
Because it’s all a lie.
BEN
What's a lie.
SANTA
Children. Children are the lie. They
don't exist.
There is a loud BANG as the machine explodes and it starts raining dolls.
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